I thought it would be different

You know, I have to say I am concerned. KMae has been home for what...not even 48 hours? And it's the same old routine, just a different day 3 months later. It doesn't appear to me that anyone has learned anything from this whole experience. And wasn't that kind of the point?!?

Sis appears to be back to being grumpy, unhappy, and over stressed and she's taking it out on everyone around her. KMae has reverted back to her former rebellious self; I mean if no one else has changed, why should she, right?! I know part of it is being a 3 (almost 4) year old, but part of it is the environment she's surrounded by. She went from a home with other kids, from learning, from consistency, from a routine to... whatever this is. Please don't misunderstand, she loves her baby more than anyone I've ever met. It's just that whatever she's dealing with is completely exaserbated by KMae coming home.

I know Sis is trying to get (the proverbial) "it" back together, and things were looking good for a while! She is in a stable job, and even transferrd to another location to get better hours and find a place in an area with a lower cost of living. Awesome! Unfortunately, that's about where it ends. She hasn't found a preschool, or a daycare. She's made a couple of calls (although sometimes I would love to throw her phone down the garbage disposal!! Some things are more important than texting), but to my knowledge hasn't actually set anything up yet. Not a big deal today, but she goes back to work at the end of this week, and then what? Another guilt trip for me and then a last minute phone call to the "Chicken Fat Lady" for KMae?!? She's also having a hard time finding a place to live (the big D kinda looks not so good on her history). I've been with her to several places, I've even made suggestions about a roomate, or making a commute but still nothing. So now the 2 of them are staying with a friend.

I don't know how to help her anymore, and I feel guilty for asking her to leave here. But we simply can't live with 5 people in 2 rooms, sharing 1 bathroom! (not to mention this isn't even my house, and I'm pretty sure my wonderfully generous landlady would not approve because it would be total insanity...lol) And even if we did agree, a "couple of days" would turn into a "couple of weeks" would turn into "till the end of the month" etc. And that really woudn't be helping at all. I tried to support her in sending KMae to AK when everyone thought she was nuts. I let her stay here for 3 and 1/2 months (2 of which were totally free) after she was evicted so she could get back on her feet. We flew her to AK and back again with the hardest money B and I have ever earned. What else am I supposed to do? I know she thinks that we've got some huge savings account or something, but truth-be-told most of our inheritance has now been spoken for. (yes we got some furniture and a TV, but we also caught up ALL our bills, prepaid some of our bills, and managed to put a some away for the future.) Ugh.

I just wish I didn't feel so responsible for it all. I mean, if KMae were still in AK then at least Sis would have a bit more time to get organized. But missing your baby is a terrible ache that nobody deserves to feel. So here we all are, stuck between a rock and a hard place and everyone is getting smushed.

I know Sis is reading this right now, trying to find some way to blame me. Or turn it around into some "well if I were such a burdeon" thing. Or into a "well it's all about YOU, isn't it". But it isn't like that at all. We really liked having her stay with us. She's super fun and the Lil Pooper thinks she's about as great as chocolate cake. I just worry about her and have to vent somewhere. I want her to be happy. I want KMae to feel happy. I just thought it would be different.